The other weekend I had fucked up and was in contact with my ex, she had been drinking and was trolling/teasing during our conversation, and she sent me a group picture of her with her friends and her new boyfriend, this experience really open my eyes, that how much I had her on a pedestal. We broke up start of August 2022 and by Halloween she was dating someone else.
I know everyone has their own methods with dealing with stress and depression especially during difficult situations. I am writing this post to highlight what I have learned from this situation and point out my own flaws in the terms of my self-improvement journey.
Why did I reach out to my ex?
It was a day where I was struggling to deal with the loneliness of heartbreak, we have been in no contact officially from 14th September 2022, prior to that our no contact was from 19th August – 8th September 2022, my ex reached out the first time, so in my head that enough time has passed and was wanting to see where her head was at and hopefully we can talk.
How was my emotions at this time?
I was 100% coming from a place of neediness and depression, just looking back over the conversation, I was displaying needy behaviour and projecting my insecurities.
What have I learnt from this situation?
I learnt I haven’t been as consistent with my self-care prior to this situation, i still had my ex on a pedestal and was living in hope we could resolve some of the issues between us, whether that was to be friends or dating again. It was her last message that got me thinking about our relationship, it basically was a hit piece against myself, blaming everything on me and if my actions where different then we wouldn’t have broken up, as much as I admit my faults and flaws (which I will cover in a later post) it does take two to make a relationship to work and to break it.
I am happy that I broke the no contact, it give me some insight into what I need to work on for myself. Remember self-improvement is for the self, not to impression or attract anyone else. If you do attract others into your world then its a nice side effect.